Friday, January 25, 2013

Here We Go Again!

No We are NOT moving! But we are taking another look at change.
It happens every so often, when we are faced again with the reality of Jacob's Cerebral Palsy.  I like it best when we see Jacob first and then his CP, but sometimes things switch up for a bit and our focus must go back to the innate details of Jacob's condition instead of the big picture with all of it's joy and goodness.
Maybe it is because we are back in Alberta and focusing so much on getting him set up with specialists and equipment that I am feeling this again.  There is a lot of talk about what use to be future things like a van with a lift, lifts in the house, bigger wheel chairs, what will happen when we can't lift him into our laps and snuggle him like we do now and I have to admit I find it a bit overwhelming and sad.  I have been able to be very hands on up to now and adding so many "helps" feels like I am going to lose that closeness.
I went through this when he was 5 and we were faced with having a g-tube become part of his existence.  I fought the idea for a long time and now, it is just what we do.  I am even grateful for it.  
Although Jacob is 12, ( I can't believe it!)  he is in many ways still our baby (don't tell him I said that!).  The thought of bringing in a lift system to help in his transfers and bath time or help get his chair in  and out of the van feels very clinical to me, yet I can't ignore how difficult it is to get him in and out of the tub, up and down the stairs or in and out of the van. 
I guess this is change.  Usually I love change.  But I like things the way they are now.  I know where we are and I understand it. I love my relationship with Jacob.  I love being his mom and all that that entails.  And just like when we have to train a new EA (educational Assistant) the Mama bear in me comes out and I want to do it all my self. But just like with his wonderful EAs, I must hold on the the hope that someday I will look back on this too and it will just  be one of those things we just do, a blessing in our lives that we are grateful for!
I hope you have a great day...I hope to!

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