Wanderlust

: a desire to travel or "itchy feet"! 
I don't know if it is the time of year, or what, but I am in the mood to travel!  I just put up a world map on my wall and have added picture I printed off of my Pintrest board ~"places I want to see".  France, Australia, English gardens, vineyards in Italy...  Oh the places I could go!
I have ordered planners from different provinces and love to write up itineraries.  But in reality I am not going very far this year.  A camping trip to Saskatchewan maybe into British Columbia but that is probably it!
I have always wanted to travel to every major city in Canada and grade it on it's accessibility.  It would be fun to take a year and pack my family around this amazing country of ours and explore the possibilities that await us.  But since I am not independently wealthy and my children are at the point where their studies are kind of important to their futures, it won't be happening anytime soon. But I think it does hold merit. 
I walked up to a new business in our little town the other day and it didn't have a ramp to get Jacob into the store.  I asked one of the employees about it and she said she wasn't sure if one was in the plans or not and that I was not the first one to ask about.  In this day and age it is amazing to me that a new business can be built without accessibility being factored into the plans.
That being said, before I had Jacob it wasn't something that I often considered.  I guess it is education, which of course brings me back to my idea of travelling the country! ;)
It is good to dream and my dream is that a persons abilities won't decide the store they buy their groceries because every store will be accessible. And when deciding on their trip itineraries all will be open to them because all motels, modes of transportation, amusement parks and cities will have something for everyone.  By the way, did you know that most people in wheel chairs travel alone? At least that is the message being sent to families who try to book a wheel chair accessible room.  They usually only have one queen size bed in them!  We once found a room in Nova Scotia that had a King size bed and a pull out bed.  Finally someone was thinking!  But crazy that that is the exception! 

Hope you get to see your dreams turn into reality, I plan to! Have a wonderful day!

A Little More Pollyanna

Have you ever had one of those days when you just can't seem to get out of the negative thinking?  Where life seems to be all wrong and you can't see a way past it?
Last night about 2:45, I woke up to the dog whimpering beside my bed. I tried to ignore him but realized I couldn't remember the last time anyone had let him out. I got up and let the dog out. (Grrrr) Let him back in, checked Jacob, untangled him from his blankets, went back to bed, tossed and turned, worried about our septic tank, (we are having troubles), worried about selling our house in New Brunswick (anyone out there moving to Bathurst?), worried about Nathan's math exam, worried about his grades, worried about his future, (it was 3:00am... things can get big really quickly), hear Jacob fuss, thought about waking Colin up so I could keep worrying in peace, started listening to the peaceful rhythm of Colin's breathing, started to be annoyed that he could sleep so peacefully, wondered if our realtor was worried about selling our house, wondered if I should wake up Colin and ask him what he thinks, got really annoyed that he is still sleeping so well, tossed and turned some more, wondered how the dog could sleep, worried that we are behind on his shots, worried about Mackenzie's shots (she is due for updates), worried about Mackenzie's future, wondered if Colin realized his breathing was so annoying, wondered if I should wake him up and tell him, start to think about...Polly Anna?... wonder if the movie is available at the library, wonder if all the books got back to the library, worried I would never be positive again, wondered how to change that, worried I would never be able to get up in the morning, worried about all that needed to be done, realized a nap was out of the question.... 
At some point I must have fallen asleep because I awoke to Colin cheerfully nudging me and telling me it was time to get up.  GRRR.
Okay I'm crazy, but come on you can't tell me you have never had a night like mine.  (You are just smart enough not to relive it by posting it on the Internet!) But I have to say, things seem much better this morning as they always do.  I realize that all will work out.  It always does.  I can see I have so much to be grateful for!  So Today I can see I might get that nap I was worrying about, But before I do I am headed to the library to get a copy of Pollyanna and I am going to start my own version of the "glad game"!
Let's see...the septic field is plugged and the septic tank is overflowing...I am glad... I don't have to do any laundry today!!  Well it's a start ;)
I hope you have a cheery day...I plan to!

Here We Go Again!

No We are NOT moving! But we are taking another look at change.
It happens every so often, when we are faced again with the reality of Jacob's Cerebral Palsy.  I like it best when we see Jacob first and then his CP, but sometimes things switch up for a bit and our focus must go back to the innate details of Jacob's condition instead of the big picture with all of it's joy and goodness.
Maybe it is because we are back in Alberta and focusing so much on getting him set up with specialists and equipment that I am feeling this again.  There is a lot of talk about what use to be future things like a van with a lift, lifts in the house, bigger wheel chairs, what will happen when we can't lift him into our laps and snuggle him like we do now and I have to admit I find it a bit overwhelming and sad.  I have been able to be very hands on up to now and adding so many "helps" feels like I am going to lose that closeness.
I went through this when he was 5 and we were faced with having a g-tube become part of his existence.  I fought the idea for a long time and now, it is just what we do.  I am even grateful for it.  
Although Jacob is 12, ( I can't believe it!)  he is in many ways still our baby (don't tell him I said that!).  The thought of bringing in a lift system to help in his transfers and bath time or help get his chair in  and out of the van feels very clinical to me, yet I can't ignore how difficult it is to get him in and out of the tub, up and down the stairs or in and out of the van. 
I guess this is change.  Usually I love change.  But I like things the way they are now.  I know where we are and I understand it. I love my relationship with Jacob.  I love being his mom and all that that entails.  And just like when we have to train a new EA (educational Assistant) the Mama bear in me comes out and I want to do it all my self. But just like with his wonderful EAs, I must hold on the the hope that someday I will look back on this too and it will just  be one of those things we just do, a blessing in our lives that we are grateful for!
I hope you have a great day...I hope to!

New, New, New

There is just something wonderful about a new year, a new page, a new day, a new start, new beginnings...
Well I had great hopes for 2013.  Goals have been set and alas, here it is almost February and I am only now beginning.  But I shall begin!
November was spent working on getting MacAdee's up and running. I spent many hours cutting out and sewing my new creations and more hours sitting  at sales watching peoples reactions to my dear "babies" and hoping that they would be good enough and accepted.  I am happy to say that for the most part I have been very pleased.  There are always a few that turn their noses up and walk on by.  But there were others, like those who were trying to talk their friends into buying a little jacket or jumper because they themselves didn't have any little people in their lives to buy one for.  Those are the ones I cling to and that help me to know that I will continue to create!
December was more sewing and nursing my dear family members back to health.  We have all had the flu at least twice and are so happy to finally be enjoying our health once more.  Throw in Christmas and visits from family and you have a very full and crazy month. 
January has been spent recovering. Looking back at 2012 has lead me to wonder if I didn't just need a breather to get me grounded and able to refocus. 
So, Yes, January is more then half over, but I am again feeling excited about the new year ahead and the grand adventures that are waiting to be experienced.
My Goals for 2013...I want to get my spring and summer line ready to share.  I have reorganized my office and work space and am ready to make that happen.

...I also want to focus on something that has been rolling around in my head for years.  I think I am brave enough to share it...

I want to connect with other families who are on the path I am on. Those who are just beginning the adventure, that is, living with a family member with a disability and those who are in the thick of it.  I know there is a power that comes from sharing and reaching out to each other.  I am feeling inspired to reach out.  I have been working on a business plan and on some presentations that I want to share and hope that this is the year I will be able to travel and share my experiences. 
I am adding more info to the contact tab and hope that as I prepare, the way will be made known to me to make this dream a reality. It is a big one for me and I am constantly fighting the voice in my head that asks "who do you think you are?", and "no one is going to want to hear from you", or my favourite, "you are no expert, and you think you can be of help to others?".  This is usually followed by great laughter...But you know what, I do have something to offer.  We all do and if I can help bring us together so we can lift and support each other, show that there is hope and that life is good, that will be enough.  I know I wish I had had someone in the beginning, as I brought our sweet little bundle home from the hospital, terrified at what the future had to hold and not knowing if I was strong enough to handle it. 
So these are my goals.
Oh and I want to plant a garden!  Yup, I think that is it...here's to the new!
I hope you are enjoying your 2013...I plan to!

A Long Road Travelled!

It has been months since my last post...so much has filled the time!
In February 2012, my dear husband received a phone call from a former colleague wondering if he would be interested in a job at a college in Alberta. So for the last eight months we have been planning, packing, and moving across this beautiful country of ours.
Most of the family was very excited to be returning "home" to Alberta, some of us, okay mostly me, struggled to find the joy in the journey!
You see, New Brunswick was a wonderful dream for me.  I made extraordinary friends, I had a lovely piece of land to explore, my dear chickens to tend, Hogan to walk and the sea to fill my soul.  It was a time in my life that I will cherish always. 

But I have been told that change is good.  It allows us to get out of our comfort zones and learn new things about ourselves. So -Here's to growth!
I'm not one to shy away from adventure and discovery.  I am excited about this new journey we are on.  I plan to dive in and immerse myself in the...wait a minute, I'm in Alberta I don't know that diving and immersing are quite right.  Let see...I plan to swagger forward and rustle me up some discoveries and grand explorations. I crave to see and appreciate the joys that are right in front of me.  I am ready to change my focus and enjoy the journey!
I hope you will join us on our ventures!

So Happily Tired!!

I am feeling much better!  Thank you all for your well wishes and concern.

I am Exhausted and it has nothing to do with hitting my head on the ice!  I have just spent the week end with a van load of teenagers!  Friday afternoon we packed the van and headed to Hampton for a Super Saturday with other teens from all over the Maritimes.  Every time I do this I am amazed that there are really good young people out there.  Hope for the future and all of that!
Saturday morning I watched four or five kids in a group visiting, soon it was 6 or 7.  The circle just kept getting bigger and bigger.  It was wonderful to watch little groups join together to make a big happy circle.
They laughed, shared stories and there might have been some showing off too.  I was grateful that my darling children were part of it all. 
I couldn't help thinking back to when I was that age.  I am happy that my children have this opportunity.

Jacob and Colin stayed home this time.  Jacob was very excited to have some time with his dad.  I gave him strict instructions before leaving Not to give all of his hugs and snuggles away, but to save some for me.  And I got the big mischievous smile I always get when I tell him this.  They were heading to rent movies and grab some treats. Sometimes being left at home is a good thing!

I love these great people I call family and I am joyful for the time that we spend together.  Things change so quickly and before I know it the time will be gone.  So I feel happy for the exhaustion.  It means I have been building memories and spending time with some really amazing people on the greatest journey of all.

I hope you have a memorable day with the people you love, I plan to!

Trip to the Emergency Room?

I love to travel.  I get excited over packed suitcases, travel size shampoo and words like itinerary, journey and adventure.
But there are some trips that just aren't fun.  Last week a good friend of mine and I decided to take our dogs and go for a walk along the railway tracks (yes, another exciting word!) I had Hogan, my beautiful, sweet, yellow lab/retriever, on a very long rope that I could step on if he got too far a head.  He isn't very good at just staying around like his dear friend Rosy, who sweetly runs along beside us.  But I have discovered that if he feels a leash on his neck he doesn't go too far. We, my dear friend and I, were getting along quite nicely talking and laughing.  Until...at the end of the trail Hogan decided it was time to play and ran quickly a head before I could get a hold of the leash.  The further he away he got, the more I panicked.  We were not in my neighbourhood and I had visions of lost dog posters and a staple gun.  I wasn't in the mood.  So I took off running after that crazy animal and before I knew it, I was looking at a sheet of ice and thinking 'this can't be good', then I was looking at the sky!
Apparently it is not a good thing, after hitting your head on a very hard surface if you can't put a sentence together or remember what you've just said.  And people, even or maybe especially, family look at you funny when you repeat yourself too many times. So off to the emergency I went to see if the memory lapses and throbbing head was anything too serious.  Of course it was now hours later.  I had made a call to my husband, my mother and the tele-health nurse to get a second opinion to make sure I wasn't going to be wasting my time.  I know, I know...if it had been one of my children, I would have been there before we could check to see how dilated their pupils were!  But when it comes to myself, I tend to take the wait it out and see approach.
Well after 31/2 hours in the waiting room, an x-ray of my neck and correctly answering questions like, 'what is your name' and 'do you know what day it is', I was sent home with a diagnosis of a slight concussion and list of symptoms that would require a return visit to the doctor.
But wait, I did learn something through all of this.  If Hogan runs away again, all I have to do is fall down and he comes running right to my side!
Oh the joys in the journey!
I hope you have a great day and keep your feet securely under you.  I know I hope to.