Here We Go Again!

No We are NOT moving! But we are taking another look at change.
It happens every so often, when we are faced again with the reality of Jacob's Cerebral Palsy.  I like it best when we see Jacob first and then his CP, but sometimes things switch up for a bit and our focus must go back to the innate details of Jacob's condition instead of the big picture with all of it's joy and goodness.
Maybe it is because we are back in Alberta and focusing so much on getting him set up with specialists and equipment that I am feeling this again.  There is a lot of talk about what use to be future things like a van with a lift, lifts in the house, bigger wheel chairs, what will happen when we can't lift him into our laps and snuggle him like we do now and I have to admit I find it a bit overwhelming and sad.  I have been able to be very hands on up to now and adding so many "helps" feels like I am going to lose that closeness.
I went through this when he was 5 and we were faced with having a g-tube become part of his existence.  I fought the idea for a long time and now, it is just what we do.  I am even grateful for it.  
Although Jacob is 12, ( I can't believe it!)  he is in many ways still our baby (don't tell him I said that!).  The thought of bringing in a lift system to help in his transfers and bath time or help get his chair in  and out of the van feels very clinical to me, yet I can't ignore how difficult it is to get him in and out of the tub, up and down the stairs or in and out of the van. 
I guess this is change.  Usually I love change.  But I like things the way they are now.  I know where we are and I understand it. I love my relationship with Jacob.  I love being his mom and all that that entails.  And just like when we have to train a new EA (educational Assistant) the Mama bear in me comes out and I want to do it all my self. But just like with his wonderful EAs, I must hold on the the hope that someday I will look back on this too and it will just  be one of those things we just do, a blessing in our lives that we are grateful for!
I hope you have a great day...I hope to!

New, New, New

There is just something wonderful about a new year, a new page, a new day, a new start, new beginnings...
Well I had great hopes for 2013.  Goals have been set and alas, here it is almost February and I am only now beginning.  But I shall begin!
November was spent working on getting MacAdee's up and running. I spent many hours cutting out and sewing my new creations and more hours sitting  at sales watching peoples reactions to my dear "babies" and hoping that they would be good enough and accepted.  I am happy to say that for the most part I have been very pleased.  There are always a few that turn their noses up and walk on by.  But there were others, like those who were trying to talk their friends into buying a little jacket or jumper because they themselves didn't have any little people in their lives to buy one for.  Those are the ones I cling to and that help me to know that I will continue to create!
December was more sewing and nursing my dear family members back to health.  We have all had the flu at least twice and are so happy to finally be enjoying our health once more.  Throw in Christmas and visits from family and you have a very full and crazy month. 
January has been spent recovering. Looking back at 2012 has lead me to wonder if I didn't just need a breather to get me grounded and able to refocus. 
So, Yes, January is more then half over, but I am again feeling excited about the new year ahead and the grand adventures that are waiting to be experienced.
My Goals for 2013...I want to get my spring and summer line ready to share.  I have reorganized my office and work space and am ready to make that happen.

...I also want to focus on something that has been rolling around in my head for years.  I think I am brave enough to share it...

I want to connect with other families who are on the path I am on. Those who are just beginning the adventure, that is, living with a family member with a disability and those who are in the thick of it.  I know there is a power that comes from sharing and reaching out to each other.  I am feeling inspired to reach out.  I have been working on a business plan and on some presentations that I want to share and hope that this is the year I will be able to travel and share my experiences. 
I am adding more info to the contact tab and hope that as I prepare, the way will be made known to me to make this dream a reality. It is a big one for me and I am constantly fighting the voice in my head that asks "who do you think you are?", and "no one is going to want to hear from you", or my favourite, "you are no expert, and you think you can be of help to others?".  This is usually followed by great laughter...But you know what, I do have something to offer.  We all do and if I can help bring us together so we can lift and support each other, show that there is hope and that life is good, that will be enough.  I know I wish I had had someone in the beginning, as I brought our sweet little bundle home from the hospital, terrified at what the future had to hold and not knowing if I was strong enough to handle it. 
So these are my goals.
Oh and I want to plant a garden!  Yup, I think that is it...here's to the new!
I hope you are enjoying your 2013...I plan to!